Mentally deficient.

Two finals for touch footy this week. The semi on Wednesday night was interesting. The team we were playing were a bunch of the Gold Coasts next generation, young, dumb and fit, wheras we had a couple of current champions, quite a lot of old canny stagers and a few young uns'.

We started perfectly running in three easy touchdowns with almost Swiss precision. But in the second half they came at us and our fitness and application began to fade. Right to the point where it was equal at full time, but our champions came through for us in golden point and we went through to face our repeated and mortal enemies, the kiwis. After all, this is the coast, it's remarkable it's not two kiwi sides in the final.

We seem to play these guys every year in the final and it's a always a battle. They had touched us up badly last game. This time we had a game plan for defense and for once we executed it perfectly. Guys who'd been isolated on the line were suddenly rock solid keystones. To beat this team, which has about 5 international players in it, we needed to play at our best and dropping three balls over the line is not really affordable, even in the wet. Final margin? Funnily enough, it was three points. The better team won, but it was good to see that tactically, we had a chance, that we got ourselves into the game.

Losing the game is not what has been bothering me today, even though I hate losing anything. The last two seasons I've been getting increasingly anxious about playing. I left playing the top grade in Brisbane in a crap way and I've never seemed to get that touch of belief back. I'm starting games not willing the long balls to my wing or hoping I can make that big touch in defense that lifts the game. I'm fine when I'm on the field doing my job, but not on the sideline. I've got a little monster sitting on my shoulder eating up that extra ten percent that I used to have. Part of it is my weight and I'm working and will be working harder on removing that as an excuse.

I think too that training with Nath and AJ has really brought it home. I feel like I have the same attitude as them when we train, but their absolute belief that they will be able to change the game is just so different to what I feel when I rock up to play

The funny thing is, you talk to me about any other part of my life, the things that define me and I have absolute faith that I am not just good at them, but absolutely fucking great. Just ask me. Lantanaland, looking after The Wife, cooking, my job and even writing this blog, I just feel that while I might not get everything right I very rarely go to sleep feeling like I have failed, but in the last two years there would only be one or two games that that thought wasn't in the back of my head.

The minds a funny thing.


Lantanaland from the iPhone